Does your child forget to bring their homework home? Or maybe the homework made it home, but the science book came home instead of the history book. Do they easily lose track of time? Do they have a bunch of papers shoved in their backpack, but they swear they know where everything is and ‘it’s organized’?

If you answered, ‘Yep, sounds like my kid.’ Then they might have executive functioning issues. But what really is executive function?

The brainy stuff:

Working memory

Our working memory helps us hold on to information and use it.

Impulse control (self-regulation)

Our impulse control helps us think before we act; helps us with emotional regulation.

Flexible thinking

Flexible thinking helps us ‘shift gears’ and think about things in different ways.

What does that mean to you as a parent of a student with executive functioning issues?

Executive functioning skills do not develop linearly, so it can be difficult to figure out when it is typical versus an issue affecting their daily functioning. Some concerns you may have noticed in your student:

An inability to pay attention
Losing track of time or getting hyper-focused on an activity
Regulating emotions- BIG emotions and reactions
Initiating tasks or getting easily distracted by other tasks
Overall organization and planning

If your child is experiencing some of these symptoms there are ways to help support and better develop their skills at home.

How can I help my student?

Visual schedules are one way to help manage time and expectations. They allow students to see all the necessary tasks for the morning, what to place in their backpacks or the schedule for after school. Visual schedules are a great way to prompt students, keep them on task and hopefully reduce frustration for the student and the parent. For ideas click here.

Other great ways to help your student organize and stay on task are: using a backpack with multiple compartments, timers (especially visual), or organizational apps on the phone (such as Evernote), etc. There are many way to help develop executive functioning skills and there are different suggestions depending on the skill you are looking to help them improve. For a full list of ideas.

Is this typical? How do I sort that out?

It is important to note that some executive functioning skills may be developmentally appropriate, such as, a teen who has trouble managing their time or remembering their homework or adolescent that is very emotional. If your child is having persistent trouble in these areas and it is affecting school and home life then it might be more than just their age or development.

Well, does this mean my child has ADHD?

Maybe, but executive functioning impairments can cross into many different learning issues and mental health areas, so it is important to speak with a professional about your concerns. School psychologists can help you get started on the necessary support your child will need at school, such as an IEP or 504. Look to professionals, like a mental health counselor or psychologist, outside of school to help with identifying symptoms, to work on skill building and symptom maintenance.

Warning: Topic is Traumatic Birth

After the birth of my son I returned to work at about 8 weeks postpartum. I knew that I was at a risk for developing postpartum depression and had placed my DSM-IV (at the time) on the coffee table. I explained to my husband symptoms to watch out for-I knew my stuff. I felt prepared to deal with the mental health aspects on the other side of becoming a mother. I was wrong.

After a week or so of being back to work, I went to lunch with two of my co-workers at one of my favorite places. While we were talking I ended up sharing a little more detail about the traumatic birth of my son. This time when I told the story I was fueled by anger and not tears. My co-worker who had a baby a few months prior said, “This sounds like PTSD”. I rolled my eyes internally (and maybe externally). In my head I thought, “Trauma? No, this is just a really sucky thing that happened- this is not trauma.” People have bad birthing experiences- I was just one of those people. I’m pretty sure I said something curt (hello extreme denial!).

They both got up to go to the salad bar. The conversation moved on while the word trauma rolled around in my head. She sent me an article later in the day which she had mentioned at lunch. It was about a woman who had experienced a traumatic birth and what made her finally seek treatment. I was not appreciative. I was annoyed. I’m a counselor, I know trauma. I didn’t have PTSD. I read the article and still sat strongly in my denial for months.

Then, just prior to my son turning 3 months I started having recurrent nightmares. “Uh, oh...PTSD symptom”. Trauma. Denial started to fall away on the trauma part of this whole experience, but it still took many years for me to admit (to say out loud and to myself) that I was also experiencing PPD and PPA.

I started therapy a few weeks later after a lengthy search to find someone who specialized in traumatic births.

Traumatic births happen. They’re scary and make a huge impact across the lifespan of being a parent. After 5 years of talk therapy around my traumatic birth experience and other fertility stuff the treatment modality that changed my life and brought me back from the edge was EMDR. I was barely functioning some days and I was desperate to try something new. I learned about EMDR in grad school and the story that was shared had always stuck with me. In a matter of months, I was finally able to reprocess the traumatic birth and started to feel like myself again. I can’t say that is the result for everyone, but I do know that it can be a powerful tool in the therapeutic process.

Seeking therapy after a traumatic birth experience is tough. But I can confidently say treatment, no matter the modality, can significantly improve your life.

Executive Function...Can it Just Function?

Traumatic Births Happen...